Identity: How to Effortlessly Become The Person Worthy of All You Desire

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Identity: How to Effortlessly Become The Person Worthy of All You Desire
Photo by Kenny Eliason / Unsplash
“We as humans will always act, feel, and perform in accordance with what we believe to be true about ourselves. We will act, or fail to act, not because of a lack of willpower or knowledge, but because we simply do not see ourselves as the type of person to carry out such a task.”

– Maxwell Maltz (Psycho-Cybernetics)

The origins of all your success, and lack of success, will always stem from one core source:

The way that you see yourself and what you believe to be true about yourself.

Some people may call this self-image. Some people may call this their spirit. I like to call this our Identity.

And if you have ever struggled with imposture syndrome, self-doubt, or getting yourself to do things you know you are supposed to do...

Chance are – it is because your Identity  (aka the way you see yourself) is not in alignment with who need to be to achieve what you want.

Today, I want to help fix that for you.

I want to show you

✅ What Identity Is, How It's Formed, and Why It's Keeping You Stuck (hint: it happened before you were 8 years old)

✅ How to Uninstall Old Limiting Beliefs That You've Had for 5, 10, 20+ years (and replace them with new empowering ones)

✅ How to Reprogram Your Identity To Help You Become The Person Worthy of All You Desire (you just need to answer 3 questions!)

Let's begin!

Why Does Identity Matter?

The mind works in mysterious ways.

Everything that happens to you and through you starts with the way you position yourself from a place of thinking

For example, let's say that you want to be seen as a Leader. Someone who is well-respected in his or her field.

Now when I say the word "leader," you probably have a few words and characteristics associated with that word.

Maybe when you think of a leader, you think of

  • Confident
  • Charismatic
  • Courageous

Along with these words, you most likely have an image associated with them.

Perhaps when you think of "Confident" you think of The Rock.

When you think of "Charismatic", you think of Tom Cruise.

When you think of "Courageous", you think of Hercules.

And because we do this, we'll look back at ourselves and compare our own image with the image of what we THINK things should look like.

Because of that, we'll often disqualify ourselves before others disqualify us.

We disqualify ourselves through the cognitive biases of:

  • Mistakes - disqualify through past mistakes
  • Mislabeling  - disqualify through false attribute    
  • Misprogramming - disqualify through limiting belief

For example:

If I want to be Charismatic, I need to be good at talking and asking questions. But I can't do that. The last time I had to do a presentation at school, I forgot all my lines and looked like an idiot. (Mistake)

If I want to be Confident, I need to be big, buff, and bald like The Rock. But I don't look big or buff, and I have full-head hair! So I must not be confident. (Mislabel)

If I want to be Courageous, I got to be big and strong. But I've been called short and weak my whole life so I cannot do that. (Misprogramed)

Or we'll use phrases like:

  • "I'm not that type of person to do _____"
  • "I could never do that, I'm not good enough"
  • "That's not me, I am more of a _____"

We ultimately get programmed to think that things need to be a certain way.

But how does this happen?

It actually started years ago, before you were even 7 years old!

Why Does This Happen?

Research has shown that our subconscious mind is accountable for more than 90% of our feelings, beliefs, and behaviors.

All of our conscious actions are preceded by unconscious processes.

In other words: Your subconscious mind soaks up all information around you whether you are aware of it or not.

This process starts in early childhood (from the moment you are born until age 7)

And includes information from our environment (news, media, TV, YouTube) and other people (parents, friends, guardians, teachers).

Your mind accepts every piece of information as true because you don't have any belief systems based on previous experiences that would contradict the new information.

For example, if another kid at school called you "Fat", it doesn't mean anything because you don't even know what the word "Fat" means. Thus, you have no prior experience or belief around that word.

However, if there is a teacher around, and a kid calls you "Fat". The teacher might yell or punish the other kid for calling you "Fat"

He/she might say "Kyle! That's mean! Don't call other students Fat"

Because of this interaction, you now have a prior experience with this word. You saw Kyle get yelled at for calling you "Fat," causing you to form the meaning that if you call someone fat, you will get in trouble. Therefore, "Fat" must be a bad word. This experience causes you to associate the word "Fat" with being bad. And now, you have a belief system that "Fat" is bad.

And it is this IMAGE of Kyle being yelled at by the teacher that you will remember, not the word 'bad' itself.

That is because the subconscious mind translates our experiences into images.

The words that we read or hear in the present get turned into images and are stored away in our subconscious.

This is crucial to understand when it comes to changing our belief systems (more on that later in this article).

When in reality, the word "Fat" could have no meaning or even a positive meaning.

It is the meaning that we give it (or in this case, the meaning that others give it) that formulates our belief system around certain words and ideas.

This is how our foundational beliefs are created that ultimately impact us for the rest of our lives.

Whether it is beliefs about words, money, life, or success – our foundational belief system is formed unconsciously, and we have little control over what that looks like in early childhood.

Once these core beliefs are formed, whenever new information is presented to you, the subconscious evaluates it against existing beliefs to decide whether to accept or reject it.

And as you can imagine, the longer you have these belief systems (whether good or bad), the more difficult it becomes to change them.

This is why you hear the phrase "people don't change" – it's because it's incredibly difficult to change the core beliefs you've been holding for 5, 10, or 20+ years.

This is why if you grew up poor like me, you will have limiting beliefs around money.

Perhaps you saw your parents argue and fight about money and formed the belief that money is hard to come by (this is what I thought for 23 years).

Therefore, when you see other people online saying how they made $10k in 30 days, you immediately think:

"That's a scam! There's no way that is possible. Money is hard to come by!"

This is the basis for our perception of the world and explains why the experiences from our early childhood remain the most important factor determining our happiness in life.

Who You Are Now May Be Out of Your Control, But Who You Choose To Be Is Your Responsibility

While it's a shame that you have no control over how you are programmed growing up, you do have a responsibility of choosing to accept it or upgrade it.

Because you get to decide what life looks like for you.

You get to decide who you want to be.

You get to decide to look at your default settings and say this isn't for me.

I am going to change it. I am going to optimize it. I am going to make sure it fits me, my goals, and my timeline.

How do you go about changing something that's been deeply rooted for 5, 10, 20+ years?

It starts with creating a new Identity for yourself. One that is aligned with WHAT you want and WHO you want to be.

SEE IT – So You Can BE IT

Have you ever tried changing your beliefs through self-affirmation?

You say things like "I am confident! I'm a badass!" Only to find out that when shit hits the fan, you aren't confident or a badass?

That is because saying affirmations aloud is a conscious thing – but our beliefs are rooted in our subconscious.

And the subconscious operates in images and pictures.

So when you say affirmations to yourself, you are just regurgitating random words in hopes that it changes the way you think.

But that is not how the mind works. In order to restructure our belief systems, we must first create an IMAGE of what those beliefs look like FOR US.

For example, if I wanted to be confident.

I can tell myself I am confident, I am a badass b!tch all I want.

But if I have an image or experience of me not being confident (like me freezing up and bombing my speech when I was running for school treasurer in 4th grade)

I am essentially telling myself things that I do not believe to be true (aka lying to myself) – because I have evidence against it

The idea is not "fake it to you make it" it is "SEE IT, so you can BE IT"

You must see what it looks like for you to be confident FOR YOU. And in order to do that, you must visualize a new mental image of yourself as a confident person.

And most importantly, you must visualize yourself DOING THE THINGS that a confident person does.

For example, if I think a confident person is someone who can go up on stage and present to a group of people – then I must visualize that first before I can do that myself.

I can see myself walking on stage, head held high, with a big smile on my face.

I can feel my heart racing a bit because of the nerves.

But despite that, I am able to speak clearly.

I am able to articulate my thoughts well. I am able to inspire, motivate, and empower the audience by sharing my stories and life lessons.

And because I can visualize all of this, it became easy when I actually had to do it.

(which I did when I hosted my first-weekend workshop)

If you can see yourself as the person in your mind, you already are that person.

There is a reason why top athletes visualize themselves scoring or making the game-winning touchdown or basket before a game.

The subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between something that is real and something that is imaginary.

Therefore, when you visualize your Identity, and you see yourself doing the actions needed to get the results you want...

Your subconscious cannot tell if that image of you doing those actions is a real experience or not. But regardless if it is real or not, it now has proof to support your new identity.

The more that you can visualize it, the easier it is to do it because you have already seen yourself do it so many times in your mind.

And when the time comes to actually do it, that experience will further reinforce your new Identity deeper into your subconscious.

You can see how the more you repeat this cycle, the more you chip off parts of your old Identity – all while creating a new, better Identity that is worthy of your goals and desires.

Now, this all sounds great in theory, but how do we actually go about creating this Identity for ourselves?


Here are 3-questions to ask yourself to help you start engineering a new mental image (Identity) for yourself to help you elevate to the next level version of yourself.

Question 1: What Do I Want?

"The beginning of wisdom is the definition of term" – Socrates

The first step to figuring out who you need to be is to start with the end goal.

Start by picking one area of life (Business/Career, Health, Relationship) and ask yourself:

  • "What is that I want in my business, health, or relationship?
  • "What does that look like? What does that feel like?"
  • "What would a perfect day look like for me in this area of life?"

To give you an example, when I wanted to become a 6-fig coach and consultant, I started by visualizing what a perfect day would look like for me:

  • Want: I want to effortlessly enroll high-ticket coaching and consulting clients in my business. I want to be making at least $10k/month working with 3-5 clients.
  • Looks: This looks like me posting 3 times a week and having interested clients reach out to me vs me reaching out to them.
  • Feels: Peaceful, easy, in-flow

A perfect for me would look like this:

  • 5am-7am: Gym
  • 7am-8am: Free Time
  • 8am-12pm: Create content + Products
  • 12pm - 2pm: Coaching Calls
  • 2pm - 4pm: Sale Calls
  • 4pm-5pm: Admin
  • 5pm-9pm: Free Time
  • 9pm-5am: Sleep

The secret here is to be true to yourself.

This isn't about listing out all the things you "think" you want or "should" do.

It's about getting clear on the things you ACTUALLY want, and being unapologetic about it.

And that might be hard for some of you – as you're so used to prioritizing other people's opinions that you forget to prioritize yourself.

But today, that changes. Today is your day put yourself first and own that.

Take 30min-1hr this week to simply sit in silence and figure out what is it that you actually want (no shame, guilt, or fear)

Question 2: Who Do I Have To Be To Get What I Want?

There are 3 parts you want to get clear on in order to craft your Identity.

Part 1: Values:

Values are the guiding principles you want to hold in order to filter your decision-making.

It is essential to stay true to your values as it makes it easier for you to know what to say "Yes" to.

My Example:

#1) Growth (Constant Evolution) - I want to be constantly growing and evolving myself daily. All my decision must contribute to my overall growth and evolution.

Guiding Question: "Does this thing contribute to my growth in any way?" If yes, keep it. If no, kill it.

#2) Intentional (Deliberate Action) - My life is exactly the way it is because I designed to be so. I am deliberate in my actions and thinking.

Guiding Question: "Is this thing (thought, belief, decision) in alignment with what I want to create in my life?" If yes, keep it. If not, kill it.

#3) Longevity (Generational Impact) - Everything I do in life and business must be sustainable. I must be able to do it well, consistently, for a long period of time.

Guiding Question: "Am I able to do this thing (strategy, routine, habit) well, consistently, and for a long period of time?" If yes, keep it. If no, modify it until it's a yes.

Part 2: Behavior

Once you have your Values, you then need to make sure your behavior reflects those Values you assign yourself.

Behaviors are the actions, activities, and routines that you are currently doing.

You want to audit these things and ask yourself:

"Is what I am doing in alignment with my values and who I want to Be?"

If yes, keep them. If no, stop them.

Once you audit your current behaviors, the next step is identifying what new behaviors you will adopt.

These new behaviors should be the behaviors that your Identity is naturally already doing.

My Example: 6-Figure Coach and Consultant

I will Stop:

  • Trying every new shiny object solution I see only
  • Overconsuming information from books, courses, or YouTube
  • Overthinking about if my content is "good enough" or if I have the right strategy

I will Start:

  • Producing content daily to attract my ideal clients
  • Reaching out to prospects who engage with my content
  • Taking Sale Calls with prospects to see if we are a good fit to work together

Part 3: Characteristics

Characteristics are the Traits you will embody as a part of your new Identity.

To prevent overwhelm and overthinking, I like to stick with just 3 Core Characteristics.

And know that these traits aren't permanent.

You can change up these characteristics whenever you want to further empower you for the season you are in.

Ask yourself:

What characteristics traits do I want to embody?
Why did I choose this word?
What does this word mean to me?

My Example:

I am Courageous. I will do what is necessary to win despite of fear, doubt, or insecurity.  

I am Deliberate. My actions are carefully planned, calculated, and methodical. Everything I do is in alignment with what I want and who I want to be.

I am Consistent. I do the boring things well and consistently. Because I know that small things, done well, for a long period of time – turn into big, massive results

These traits help me remind myself of the person I see myself to be.

Because let's be real, there will be days where I don't want to the product content or take sale calls.

But in those moments, I remind myself that I am a Courageous, Deliberate, and Consistent person – and to stay true to that, I must perform those actions.

Because that's who I am. And that is what I do.

Question 3: What Do I Have To Do To Achieve What I Want

"If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!" – Benjamin Franklin

Once you are clear on the goal and the person you must be in order to achieve them...

The final step is to figure out HOW to become that person in the shortest amount of time possible

Ask yourself:

What are the daily, weekly, and monthly tasks you got to do in order to become the person you were meant to be?

For example, if I want to be a 6-figure coach and consultant, I need to be making about $10k/month.  

So if my goal $10k/month and I have a $2k offer, I would only need 5 clients a month to hit that goal.

Now, let's say that I have a 30% close rate. That means I would need to book around 16 calls in order to my goal. To play it safe, let's say 20 calls. Plus let's assume I only want to work 5 days a week.

From here we can work backward.

  • Monthly Goal: 20 Sale Calls
  • Weekly Goal: 5 Sales Calls
  • Daily: 1 Sale Call

Once you reverse engineer the math to hit your goal, then you can further break it down to daily activities to hit those KPIs (Key Performance Indicators).

For example, let's say I have a system in place where every time I post on social media, I get at least 1 person interested in my service and book a call.

This means, my math is:

  • Monthly 20 posts, 20 Sale Calls
  • Weekly: 5 posts, 5 Sale Calls
  • Daily: 1 post, 1 Sale Call

When you break it down like this, the big scary goal of $10k/month seems like child's play.

This is a realistic example of how you can have a $10k/month business working just a few hours a day without sacrificing your weekends.

It seems almost too easy. And it is!

The only caveat is that you need to have the right offer, the right marketing, and the right sales systems in place in order to make that happen.

And when done right, you can be generating anywhere from 5-20 calls from a single post (just like our clients).

You Develop Your Identity and Your Identity Develops Your Life

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Dayne Dyer

We are all a byproduct of our habits. And our habits are byproducts of how we see ourselves.

It is easy to do the things we need to do when you already see yourself as the person that would naturally do those things.

So if you wish to start taking control of your life.

If you want to increase your income, build your dream business, or be in that perfect relationship...

It starts with you creating an Identity worthy of those things and then living it boldly.